“Ladies and gentlemen, this is *everyone in unison* Replace! That! Monsteeerrr! *crowd cheers*”
So everyone knows the classic Tolkien-esque fantasy species, right? (For those who don’t, I’ll add some basic characteristics for each.) Well, what’s really piquing my interest lately is taking the tropes of those old favorites and giving them a new look and, perhaps, habitat, while keeping the same vibe. So, that’s what we’re doing today, and I want YOU to join in.
The creatures:
Elves: Posh guys with a love of either magic, nature, or both (depending upon the particular setting).
Orcs: Cruel, warlike, and not much else to be perfectly honest.
Dwarves: Generations-long-grudge-keeping dudes who love working and their ancestors.
Halflings: stout folk who love eating and hospitality.
I’ll go first:
Trilons (elves): Look like horseshoe crabs with arms, legs, and extremely advanced technology. Think they are the most highly advanced civilization in the world because they probably are. Crashlanded on this planet and are not happy about it. Are extremely fascinated by this planet’s magic.
Post your interpretations in the comments!
Gogors (Orcs): Look like John Fetterman but green. They have a backstory that no one knows: They were, generations ago, a peaceful people that were enslaved by another group. They eventually organized, rose up and destroyed that race. They are now extraordinrarily defensive, which looks to others like cruelty and war-like. No one knows this backstory because it is documented in hardcore punk songs, which no one understands or wants to listen to. For more visual information, here is John Fetterman: https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=565090271&sxsrf=AM9HkKm_fpVU_MJm3JlFktRMX7C8xj5KEA:1694631387651&q=john+fetterman&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjl94rvoaiBAxV-lYkEHT7bCrkQ0pQJegQIDRAB&biw=1385&bih=781&dpr=1.5
ReplyDeleteDharlings (Halflings): An extremely wealthy race, who enjoy only the company of other extremely wealthy individuals and are therefore quite isolated. They posses the special ability of appearing beautiful - even though they are often disfigured from generations of inbreeding. They command enormous armies of people beholden to their wealth; however, lack the ability to inspire their armies to go into battle.
ReplyDeleteJust revisited this comment, and I'm loving it!
DeleteLovadoras (halflings) They are known for their pie and unwavering ability to make one feel welcomed. Always in need of dental floss. Their ancestors tend to adore all animals except for lice and bedbugs. You'd think their habitat is huge woodland bakeries with many tables, but no, they tend to live in basements of 1700s farmhouses due to the charm, history, spirits, and of course, cold storage for whipping up a good hearty meal, despite the season, for any and all. Clothing preference, you ask? Pagan inspired, soft and highly fashionable stain resistant outfits with many often donning sweatpants which come in handy after a large meal. Seen going barefoot ( earthing) and daydreaming with a giddy smirk on their face. Too friendly, but protected by angels.
ReplyDeleteNice!
ReplyDeleteIn a hole in the silicon valley lived an orc, not a nasty dirty wet hole filled with tech debris and the ends of frayed charging cords, nor yet a bare, sandy hole devoid of widgets and gizmos. This was an orc-hole and that meant gadgets. The orc was fond of all things beeping, flashing and buzzing. He had a smartwatch on each wrist, and a row of apps pinned to the leather case that held his mobile telephone.
ReplyDeleteThe orc tapped and swiped at the glassy face of the telephone as he sat in his ergonomic chair, built specially to accommodate his large and mighty frame. He wore a shirt of fine polyester, decorated with images of fantasy creatures not unlike himself. A shock of stylishly messy hair crested his head, bound into a tail by bands of silicone.
The orc grumbled to himself as he scrolled through his social media feeds. He composed missives complaining about the lack of good coffee in the area and the uncomfortable chairs in the office of his occupation. He had very particular opinions on many matters, and saw it as his duty to share them with the world electronically.
When hunger rumbled in his belly, the orc reached for his magic ringing-box, and summoned a deliverer to bring him his afternoon repast, not getting up from his chair except to retrieve the food. Truly, this was an orc for the modern age.
Saucies;: They are small, irratating ORCS. Their main role is to "pleasantly" irritate enemies by pretending to be nice but in reality they are distracting and disturbing and thus give the ORCS an advantage.
ReplyDeleteThese sound super annoying to be around!
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